Heavy is the Crown

People have in the past described some of my social media posts as "cryptic" (as well as absolutely bollocks most of the time) and I don'y mean this in a tough-guy confrontational way but I genuinely don't care, my SM posts as well as this blog are for myself only.  If others find my thoughts interesting, then great, but if not, that's great too.

But looking back over some of my earlier posts on here, they are indeed cryptic, so much so that having a quick scan over the past 10 minutes or so and a lot of the stuff doesn't even make sense to myself, so Lord help you lot.

Well whatever.  The fact remains that my relationship is THE relationship I'd yearned for all my life without even knowing it.  Yeah, yeah, I know, any relationship you're happy in becomes "the one", but all the others had problems I chose to ignore in favour of an easy life.  No surprise, then, that they all mostly ended up messy.  None of those women could I genuinely call my best friend.  Naturally, I was able to confide most things in them, but for almost 3 years, I now have a woman I have opened up to about certain matters I could never ever EVER disclose to any of those who came before her.  Because I wasn't used to doing that, I wasn't able to be so open immediately.  There are certain things I have only recently felt able to discuss, and the most ironic thing of all? She made it so damn easy.  I mean, why wouldn't she?  She's a very kind-hearted, supportive and caring person.  She does not judge. I won't list here all her positive points as we like to keep things private, but I have never met anyone like her.  Yes, of course I love her (as well as being IN love with her), but not just that, I like her too.

Loving AND liking her too.  Let that sink in, because for many people, it's not always the same case.

She's made me confront certain things about myself.  Not forcefully, of course, but being able to open up about things has made me be more honest to myself ABOUT myself.  She doesn't do this to be harsh or destructive.  She just wants to help me become a better version of myself.  And whereas that's a long journey, had it not been for her support and love, I wouldn't even be taking these steps.

I've always had something of a rod stuck up my arse for most of my life (no, not like THAT), I always found it challenging to laugh at myself, or to be around someone who would take the piss out of me on a bants level.  She, however, does it virtually on a daily basis.  She winds me up and often I absolutely lose my shit.  This makes her laugh at me even more.  And once I've stopped acting like a knobhead I end up laughing along with her.

Again, no woman has been able to do that.  There are countless things that only she has been able to do.

And that's the way I like it.

So why am I saying all this?  On one hand, I love talking about her. On the other hand, however, and more importantly, it's clear I have faults that have the ability to hurt her (not physically, it's nothing like that and never will be), and it's vitally important that I work on them.  It's my responsibility to work on them.  It won't happen overnight, but FFS I will smash them.  It's the absolute minimum she deserves.

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